Wander #35

New places and new faces

I love to roam around in different unknown cities. 
Last weekend I've been to Rotterdam with Kevin. 
Been there twice but once for a festival and once for a photoshoot, so I never really had the chance to look around and enjoy a new skyline. 
The skyline of Rotterdam is beautiful!

That night I've been to a party in Amsterdam and saturday I've spend my day photographing at the red light district in Amsterdam for my current photography project. I'll post about it soon. I know I always promise those things. And every time I say something like this I'll forget it. 
Sorry, not sorry because can't help it.

And finally, I have a new haircut! 

We've been to the photography museum of Rotterdam.
The "dark knees" expo from Mark Cohen.



Clarify #34

For the ones who are afraid.

I understand, you are afraid to ask me.
So you'll ask some others. You think you'll know me but you never will, when you refuse to ask me.

I heard rumors about me. And that's okay, but I want you to know:

1. I am not anorexic. Never was, never will be.
Yeah I lost some weight when I was stressed, but I worked very hard and I'm at a healthy weight right now. And you should think twice when you say things like that. It hurts. I hope one day we'll be able to accept every body type. All the girls should be allowed to love their own bodies. ( btw, the picture's with the ribcage coming trough and stuff, that whats they call acting. Because I love the lines that will show. It's graphic and it has that minimalism feel.)

2. I am not depressed. Not anymore.
Yes I've cut myself and I am still covered in scars. But I'll accept them and that's the only thing I can do, they won't go away like 1, 2, 3, but I won't let these scars define me.
And this is one of the reason why I was so open about it,  I helped a lot of girls because they know I know what they're going trough, I was like the friend they needed, because they were way too scared to tell their real friends.
I know it's a taboo, but why? Things only get worse when they're ashamed, they will be too scared to ask for help. And you know why they're ashamed of it? Because everyone is spreading rumors about it like they're the worst human beings.

I hope it's clear enough now. And if it's not, please ask me.



Rooms of the house. #33


This is my room. I sleep here, I work here, I listen to my music and in this room I find my peace. 
I love to collect my memories, I collect them and keep them in boxes.
Sometimes it feels like the time goes too fast. I'll sit down and open a box or an old letter.
I'll take a look at it and I memorize the moment, Again and again. I'm scared to forget. I'm afraid of losing those moment. I'm afraid of losing the memories and moments of my youth. I'm scared of growing old. Everything I do seems to have dark haze, because I know I will forget moments of this pure happiness. There will be a constant blur. I know everything will fade. It will fade like the day fades into another night. Another restless night.
When I lay there, in my bed. I will retrace every step I made that day.
In the morning I will retrace every step I made in my dreams that night.
Even when I'm laying in an unknown bed in an unknown city, I will see the dawn. I will retrace every step. I will keep every object I've found. I will keep all my memories close.

Dead flowers, broken glasses, empty boxes of cigarettes, broken drumsticks, faded picture's, broken mirrors, a setlist from a forgotten band, a feather, postcards, casino ticket I've found, piece of blue hair, receipts, a leg from barbie, a drawing I got when times where difficult, plastic festival cup, pokemon-coin, a chair of my childhood, moonstone, a christmas card I found from unknown lovers, a clover, passport photos I've found, notes, smoking pipe of my grandfather who passed away before I was here, an arrow that should've shown you the way, I took it all with me. 

Flowers that died with the memories and the love we've once shared (you've tried to say sorry). The chair of my childhood. The vase from my mom where she once kept flowers she got from my dad. An old coca-cola bottle I've once found on a jumble sale. 

I've walked miles with these shoes. 
They carried me around. I've shared a thousand nights and days with them. We could dance the whole night, and we did. They got buried in mud. They walked trough the snow in the early morning. They felt the morning dew after a long night. They tasted the beer that fell on the ground while everybody was dancing. They walked on daisies. They walked on concrete. They walked on rooftops. 
They've seen it all. 

I took this cactus with me from park Guell in Barcelona. I've carried it around the whole day with a friend of mine. We were covered in spines. But it was all worth it. After a week in a plastic bag I gave him a beautiful spot in my room and he started to grow. He is with me now for 4 years, he is strong and I gave some special people a piece of my cactus. 

When I wake up this is my view. It's peaceful.
The stars and the moon calm me down in the night when I'm losing my mind. They spread some light and peace. especially when the sky is not clear at night.

Room details:
~ A lot of white. I need that light. 
~ Special magazines. For my inspiration. 
~ A lot of vintage details. 
~ Only one cactus and some dead roses. Because I can't take care of plants. 
~ Tape recorder.
~ Camera's, Books and CD's 
~ Lunar maps as decoration
~ A carpet with the universe from my childhood. 
~ A white cabinet from my passed away aunt. 
~ Grey sofa for my friends to sleep on.